let me summarize the recent few weeks for you.

where do i start?

i had discover that i have some parasitic infection on both my feet.my parasite discovery had then led me to having to dispose my cats which i loved ever so dearly.had been going through this month's depression with severe outburst,one having to be me cutting my wrist again like a high school faggot.have not yet recruit members for my so called 'band'.gain weight.hair grew into an awful shag.have not been seeing any of my useless friends (most likely because they think I died or something).have lost sleep as my insomnia is getting worse.haven't spoke to my family members about anything in a while.

i don't know.somehow everything feels like shit almost every month of the year.and i am seeing no point having to  suffer this much any longer.i know my 'suffering' seems nowhere near poignant if compared to some poor Thailand prostitute (though i slightly doubt that,who wouldn't love to fuck for money?).why am i even still here? aside from the fact that i am too chicken shit to just effed myself like i would've.i hate everything about myself and i don't fucking care anymore.friends aren't friends for they don't even give a shit if i live or die.i know i sound immature.but lately i'm seeing that this negative being i'm becoming isn't some kind of youthful phase anymore.it's a rapture really.i hate calling this,whatever the fuck this is,as depression.i know i am dying inside and just dying to kill myself.anything to end this misery.anything to break this massive pattern.i can't imagine the countless times i just wish i could be someone else.someone who isn't as complex or as rotten as i am.perhaps i need faith.perhaps i need a way to finally end this life.

i am 20.20 years of nothing.i need me a suicide mission.god,i sound like a lame ass metalcore song.

good night fuckers.